Coffee's for closers only. Are you a closer?
Consulting super-salesman Blake's (Alec Baldwin) rousing, motivational, hostile, in-your-face, foul-mouthed, challenging ultimatum of a "sales contest" for real estate salesmen of Chicago's Premiere Properties, on closing a real estate deal:
Let me have your attention for a moment! So you're talking about what? You're talking about - bitchin' about that sale you shot, some son of a bitch don't want to buy land, somebody don't want what you're sellin', some broad you're trying to screw and so forth. Let's talk about something important. Are they all here?...Well, I'm going anyway. Let's talk about something important! (To Shelley Levene (Jack Lemmon)) Put that coffee down!! Coffee's for closers only. Do you think I'm f--kin' with you? I am not f--kin' with you. I'm here from downtown. I'm here from Mitch and Murray. And I'm here on a mission of mercy. Your name's Levene?...You call yourself a salesman, you son of a bitch?
(Ed Moss (Ed Harris): "I don't got to listen to this s--t.")
You certainly don't, pal. 'Cause the good news is - you're fired. The bad news is - you've got, all of you got, just one week to regain your jobs, starting with tonight. Starting with tonight's sit. Oh, have I got your attention now? Good. 'Cause we're adding a little something to this month's sales contest. As you all know, first prize is a Cadillac Eldorado. Anybody want to see second prize? Second prize's a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired. You get the picture? You laughing now? You got leads. Mitch and Murray paid good money. Get their names to sell them! You can't close the leads you're given, you can't close s--t, you are s--t. Hit the bricks, pal, and beat it 'cause you are going out!...
(Levene: 'The leads are weak.')
'The leads are weak.' Fucking leads are weak? You're weak. I've been in this business fifteen years. (Ed Moss: "What's your name?")
F--K YOU, that's my name!! You know why, Mister? 'Cause you drove a Hyundai to get here tonight, I drove an eighty thousand dollar BMW. That's my name!! And your name is 'you're wanting.' And you can't play in a man's game. You can't close them, (whispering) Then go home and tell your wife your troubles. Because only one thing counts in this life! Get them to sign on the line which is dotted! You hear me, you f--king faggots? (He displayed blackboard with words) A-B-C. A-always, B-be, C-closing. Always be closing! Always be closing! A-I-D-A. Attention, interest, decision, action. Attention: do I have your attention? Interest: are you interested? I know you are 'cause it's f--k or walk. You close or you hit the bricks! Decision: have you made your decision for Christ?! And Action. A-I-D-A. Get out there! You got the prospects comin' in. You think they came in to get out of the rain? A guy don't walk on the lot lest he wants to buy. They're sitting out there waiting to give you their money! Are you gonna take it? Are you man enough to take it? (To Moss) What's the problem, pal? You, Moss!
(Moss: "You're such a hero, you're so rich. How come you're comin' down here and waste your time with such a bunch of bums.") (Removing his gold watch)
You see this watch? You see this watch?...That watch cost more than your car. I made $970,000 last year. How much you make? You see, pal, that's who I am. And you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a s--t. Good father? F--k you -- go home and play with your kids!! You wanna work here? Close!! You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you cocksucker? You can't take this -- how can you take the abuse you get on a sit?! You don't like it -- leave. I can go out there tonight with the materials you got, make myself fifteen thousand dollars! Tonight! In two hours! Can you? Can you? Go and do likewise! A-I-D-A!! Get mad, you son of a bitches! Get mad!! You know what it takes to sell real estate? It takes brass balls to sell real estate. Go and do likewise, gents. The money's out there, you pick it up, it's yours. You don't -- I got no sympathy for you. You wanna go out on those sits tonight and close. Close! It's yours. If not, you're gonna be shinin' my shoes. And you know what you'll be sayin', a bunch of losers sitting around in a bar: 'Oh yeah, I used to be a salesman. It's a tough racket.' (He displayed a large stack of red index cards tied together with string) These are the new leads. These are the Glengarry leads. And to you, they're gold, and you don't get them. Why? Because to give them to you is just throwing them away. (He handed the cards to Williamson (Kevin Spacey)) They're for closers. I'd wish you good luck, but you wouldn't know what to do with it if you got it. (To Moss) And to answer your question, pal: 'Why am I here?' I came here because Mitch and Murray asked me to. They asked me for a favor. I said, the real favor, follow my advice and fire your f--kin' ass because a loser is a loser.
There are 74 million cable, satellite or telecom TV homes in the U.S. (2023). What are you gonna do?